If you've ever been to the Haunted Mansion at Walt Disney World's Magic Kingdom (or Disneyland CA, or Tokyo Disneyland, or Phantom Manor at Disneyland Paris) You've probably noticed something different about the Cast Members that run this attraction: They don't smile. It's called Performance Theming. Every attraction worth it's salt has some form of it, from Frontierland's simple "Howdy", to the use of actual Swahili words in Africa at Disney's Animal Kingdom. Sometimes the PF comes from the Operational Guidelines, sometimes it comes from the CM's themselves, and sometimes it's a combination. Of all the attractions, I think the Haunted Mansion's PF is easiest to achieve. "It's easy to not smile at the Happiest Place on Earth?" you might ask, to which I would reply, "YES." I'll tell you why it's easy.

1) Full Polyester Tuxedo + Florida Heat/Humidity
2) Walking and Walking and Walking
3) If you work at another attraction, it's a nice break from acting happy
and probably the thing that makes it easiest to not smile or laugh:
4) Guests say the Darndest Things.... about five of them actually...
That's right... If you've been to the Mansion more than once and decided you would try to make the CM laugh, you've probably been unsuccessful because of one reason: Four other yahoos have already used the same line probably in the last hour.
Now, being the nice friendly Cast Member that I am, I'd like to give you all a leg up on the competition. Here are some lines to NOT use at the Haunted Mansion.
1) "Good Eeeeeeevening."---First, this isn't funny. Secondly, If it's 2 in the afternoon when you say it, it's REALLY not funny.
2) "Don't Smile." Don't try reverse psychology... Your Jedi mind tricks are useless here.
3) "I see dead people." Do I even have to explain this?
4) "I bet you walk alot." or "You walk all day and don't get anywhere." or "You get alot of exercise, don't you." or "Don't you get tired of walking all the time?" or any other variation thereof. Look, If you walk 8 miles on a little rubber belt for 8 hours, you don't need someone to remind you of that fact... and you certainly won't find that little tidbit amusing.
5) "Hi there, (read name on nametag and snicker)" This doesn't even make people in Fantasyland laugh. We all know that we have on nametags. We all expect people to call us by name... that's kind of the point, so don't expect much reaction from that one other than "Congratulations on mastering the English language."
Anything other than that, and you may get a reaction, although we'll like you better if you just keep your mouth closed. If this sounds a little snippy, please don't let your feelings be hurt... I'm only practicing my Performance Theming.

Have a pleasant afterlife, Bodies...

-Safari Steve